I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
