winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
