actually, I'm a sock model
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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