dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
