i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize