Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
