A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
