TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
