I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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