Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
