i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
