carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I accidentally burped into my bong.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
