someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
