whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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