Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
