I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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