I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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