I'm really into asian looking animals
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
