We named our party play list daddy issues
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
