ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
