check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
