how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
