i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
