his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
