Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
