I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
