Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
