Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
