We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
