She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
