Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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