if you like me you must not know who I am
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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