Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
