Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
