This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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