I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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