we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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