just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
