I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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