it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
