it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
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Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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