i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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