is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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