its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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