And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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