The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
