I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!