u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
