my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?