I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
