I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
