we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize