You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
