im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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