Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
