I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
