I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
