I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
