Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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