Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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