Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
