She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
