So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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