Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
