i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.