first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
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All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...