How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"