She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.