Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...