He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
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Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?