Texts From Last Night

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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

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  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (225) Good night (8142) Bad night (73115)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.

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  (505): He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis. http://tfl.nu/qfyr
  Replies (37) Good night (4322) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up

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  (727): I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up http://tfl.nu/lw6q
  Replies (10) Good night (3682) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce

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  (440): so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce http://tfl.nu/bsub
  Replies (22) Good night (3068) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.

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  (630): Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won. http://tfl.nu/w0xy
  Replies (90) Good night (7198) Bad night (1743)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.

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  (781): picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already. http://tfl.nu/ugv0
  Replies (7) Good night (3843) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it

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  (408): that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it http://tfl.nu/gsrb
  Replies (5) Good night (3870) Bad night (881)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.

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  (225): But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy. http://tfl.nu/2w7g
  Replies (2) Good night (931) Bad night (2189)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.

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  (503): i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday. http://tfl.nu/ygu9
  Replies (9) Good night (6416) Bad night (1078)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd

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  (940): Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd http://tfl.nu/3aq9
  Replies (5) Good night (2649) Bad night (1310)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.

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  (253): I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears. http://tfl.nu/f427
  Replies (8) Good night (759) Bad night (1659)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.

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  (832): Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober. http://tfl.nu/wntc
  Replies (7) Good night (1042) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"

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  (941): She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you" http://tfl.nu/2vwa
  Replies (2) Good night (463) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.

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  (415): Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth. http://tfl.nu/zrpp
  Replies (1) Good night (233) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check

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  (313): doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check http://tfl.nu/g53m
  Replies (1) Good night (530) Bad night (160)

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