I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.