I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
