This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
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Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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