You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
