Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
